OK, I lied

....go to www.readryan.com if you want to keep following my adventures

xoxox
Ryan

ReadRyan.com

I've been working on a new home for this blog, one where i won't be afraid to post lots of naked pictures. SO in the next couple of weeks readryan.com will be the new home for my cranky, cranky rambling. This is just a heads up as ReadRyan.com is still in beta so yeah.........

Also my member's site www.RyanKeely.com is up and running with weekly updates so if you want regular naked pictures and videos of me you can go there for all your masturbational need.

On another note, i am horny and I am going to go violate my holes. I also need tentacle porn and someone to love me. Yes i will be masturbating AND crying, because we keep it gangster up in this bitch.

See a movie and drink beer with me!

I am going to be up in Seattle the weekend of September 5th and 6th. The movie RIPPLE EFFECT is premiering that weekend at the the Uptown 3 in Queen Ann. The Uptown 3 (AMC) is located at 511 Queen Ann Ave. N, Seattle , WA 206-285-1022

I'm trying to get as many people to go to this movie as possible because AMC is giving this cool, spiritual, indie film a shot at big time distribution IF it does well on its opening weekend in Seattle. I will be up the street, at a yet to be named bar, buying beer for who ever brings me ticket stubs for ANY SHOW TIME for RIPPLE EFFECT on Friday and Saturday.

Also if your budget has been hit by the recession I will be buying tickets for those who send me an email at readryan@gmail.com This is an opportunity for an indie film to be shown in big theaters across the country, so support the cause and maybe we will see more creative and provocative movies make it big. If you know a good bar walking distance from the theater, let me know...I'm still looking for the right spot to post up and go on a bender for those two days.

super special stripper olympics

Had to explain 'glorified' and 'dominatrix' to what may be the dumbest stripper of all time. The girl that thought the amish were from 'omland'(yes, spelled with an O) was a close second.

mind=blown

Texas Flash Flood

I'm stuck in flash flood in a now transparent dress. My car's interior is getting destroyed because of the broken window. To avoid further damage to my leather I've holed up in an abandoned drive-thru with an overhang. Even if wanted to destroy my seats, I can't go to the hotel. The roads are closed due to flooding. It's beautiful. The cop I waded over to (water to my ankles) could have had a better reaction. I'm stranded in a white see-through dress with my false eyelashes still on. He needs to watch more film noir.-copied and pasted from a text to a friend

Lawton Photography

Busted Window

My hopes for Lawton were just that, hopes that are now broken like the drivers side window the Worlds Smallest Grip Truck. As a slept my car was busted into and several items were stolen. They missed the t-ball bat, iPods and Hustler magazines and took a bag with my brand new Hermes scarf, printer/fax/scanner and some other shit that i cant quite remember. I remember packing more stuff in that bag...no idea what i put in there. At least my hard drives with my site content are safe. Can't afford to fix it right now, spending all my money on my website ryankeely.com . At least now no one will have to break anything to get what they want in my car.

On a brighter note my first piece for POPPORN.com came out as did an interview for LatinBabeIndex.com

follow the links below.....

http://popporn.com/node/372

http://www.lynxmediagroup.com/latin-babe-index-blog/2008/08/11/an-interview-with-ryan-keely-formerly-maria-menendez/

San Angelo is a wrap

I've got the first leg of my tour done and i am running massively late for week 2. I won't be blogging as much due to the travel. My laptop is broken so to get online i have to unpack and set up my desktop. I am twittering almost everyday, usually several times a day so you can join my stream at twitter.com username, ryankeely. For right now, I'm going to leave you with some pics of my very 'punk rock' dressing room from the Maximus in San Angelo. I'm hoping Lawton, OK will be a little less depressing.

RYAN KEELY RIPS THROUGH TEXAS AND OKLAHOMA

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Hard at work

This is a shot of me shooting BTS cam on a Hustler feature. I'm really happiest shooting camera. As soon as my site starts running in the black I'm going to reinvest in shooting the freshest girls I can find.

Awesomeness

While I pack up one secret lair for another, enjoy this video. Also those of you in the Texas, Oklahoma area will be delighted to know I will be touring the Maximus Clubs for the month of August. Details to follow.

Pay attention to me!

Follow me on twitter, user name ryankeely. Help me stare at my phone even more than I already do.

I have a huge cock!

This is what happens when you hire me to shoot Behind the Scenes. The movie is called "This Ain't Gilligan's Island" and should come out eventually. Its from HUSTLER directed by Anton Slayer aka Vincent Voss

Preparations begin.......

Last night I dreamed I had to hack my way through animated rotting flesh. I sense the Apocalypse is closer than we had anticipated. This new awareness coupled with a knowledge that my location has been compromised forced me to take action. Unfortunately the army surplus store only had one machete in stock and no sharpening kits. As the Metal as Fuck Lawyer(working on a better nickname for this bad-ass ally), must be armed as well I shall soon return for more weapons and the tools needed to keep them sharp. 

As for the compromised location, the hunt is on for a new base of operations. Time is short and money is even shorter, but cash supplies matter not when the stores are staffed by the un-dead. 

I'm off to speak with Ellen Stagg, responsible for helping keep my glamor model cover believable and Justine, an ally about potential hideouts and city escape plans.

Kansas

On my way out of town I hit a racoon, heard a song called 'honky tonk badunkadunk' passed a 'kum and go' gas station and realized that I want my life to be like a graphic novel adaptation of a Barry Gifford story. But with more sex and less murder.

I'm at an airport waiting to fly to Dallas for some excessive sexual activity and dinner at Medieval Times. I was dancing at club in Bumfuck, Kansas and the only for me to meet my lover was to start driving as soon as they let me off the stage. I still have my false eyelashes on and wads of uncounted dollar bills.

This post is reposted from 2 text messages

Ryan Reviews....Comics! Kick-Ass issue 3

I likeses it! I'm going to go buy the first two issues tomorrow. There's internet references, fagging out and then a chick in a mask shows up with a katana and murders mother fuckers. Best 2.99 I've spent in a while.

2 days later-

I bought the first 2 in the series, and they rule. Concept-nerd kid makes himself a costume and goes looking for crime to fight, all does not go as planned, severe beating ensues as does awesomeness. Can't wait to learn more about the girl with the katana in issue 4. 

While picking up the first 2 issues at Secret Headquarters I special ordered a very special graphic novel version of Barry Gifford's Perdita Durango I haven't seen since 7th grade. I hope it lives up to my memory

Yay for today!

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For those who have fallen....

tomorrow, remember the heros who have passed.......

"It's a very merry un-birthday"

It doesn't even feel like it's my birthday is tomorrow. I've been hiding inside all day eating like a slug and watching "Mick Foley's Greatest Hits and Misses" ignoring the few people who texted asking where the party is. All my plans for a big 'twenty-whore' celebration are being overshadowed by my impending move to New City X. Thats why I haven't been writing, I've been scoping out a new top secret lair.

I'm sure my mood will improve tomorrow when someone give me a ridiculously silly present, for now I wallow with wrestling.

Ryan Keely on Playboy Radio TODAY

Ryan Keely will be appearing on Playdate with Tara Mack today at 2pm PST. Last time Ryan appeared on Playdate she pwned the show's challenge of distracting Major League Baseball player Bronson Arroyo with silly string, confetti guns, adorable panties and a mean tickling technique. Tune in today because the self proclaimed 'sexual terrorist' is always trying to one up herself.

Show can be heard by SIRIUS radio subscribers.
Playboy Radio channel 198, between the hours of
2 and 3pm PST.

Visit www.playboyradio.com for more information.

I'm getting old

While watching MTV with my BFF I realize that I do not understand half of the slang being used by lil' Mama and the rest of the whippersnappers prancing around in silly outfits. Last night I watched a stripper unironicly pole dance to Spice Girls and whoever does that song that talks about girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch. My sciatica is acting up and I have a newly developed love of Oil of Olay. I'm going to call my mom and tell her she's right about everything and apologize for running away to roller boogie. I need to get high the old fashioned way, red wine and valium.

Which reptilian from the third dimension do you want running our country?

i cant fucking sleep

stressing and sweating is what I've done since I've been to bed. I have to be up in less than 3 hours to prep my shows for tonight. I don't know why I bother, florida doesn't seem to get my steez.

On the up side, my site is up and working. I'm glad that my hard work is starting to yield results. Anyway, back to the tossing and turning.

xoxo,
Ryan

I’m Feature Dancing June 9th-14th

Ryan is performing at Tootsies, Monday June 9th through Saturday the 14th. This event is sure to be an exciting one for both Ryan and everyone in attendance as she's vigorously prepared 12 brand new acts to blow every single one of the hungry club-goers out of their seats! If you're in the Miami area be sure to RUN not walk to Tootsies to be dazzled and entertained.




Tootsie's
150 NW 183rd St.
Miami Gardens, FL 33169
305.551.5822




See http://pure-talent dot com & www.stripclubnetwork dot com/tootsiesfl/ for additional info.

For dirty pics and sleazy videos please visit http://ryankeely dot com.

east TX

It's fucking hot here. I'm writting this from the Denny's where they have grits and no healthy choices. Thank god I quit eating land animals so I eat all the fast food and pancakes I want and still stay skinny.

About to get back in the worlds smallest grip truck and finish the trek to FL.

Malachi's taking first shift so I am going to pass back out and hopefully wake up in the state of LA.

Looking forward to dancing when I'm not feeling queasy thinking about it. I think I am going to try out my girl scout, fitness and cowboy numbers out monday night. None of them have been performed in front of an audience so wish me luck.

REI gets me excited.

I have until Friday to finalize music on 9, 20 min sets as well as finish up all 12 of my costumes and figure out how to do a paint show. I feel like I am going to vomit.........I leave friday morning and I am not feeling super confident.

However I got to cheer myself up with a trip to REI to get supplies for the drive, I'm planning to make some stops and maybe grab a day hike or two. Anyway, I got this totally sweet cooler thing its food storage on one side, a cooler on the other and it folds out and has a work station between the sides. I also got myself a swiss army knife to hold my over until I can get the Leatherman Skeletool CX and some super cool food eating devices that looks like a spork on steroids. If only I had more gift certs I would have outfitted my self right. I fucking love REI, they have all the coolest shit you never knew you needed. I'm still lusting after flexible camp bowls and tricked out tents. Can you tell I'm from the Northwest? Until I became a model my most expensive pair of shoes were my hiking boots.

Those of you who can make it to Miami Gardens next week should totally go, my dancing isn't the best (yet) but my costumes are pretty rad. Think knee high, red patent, 5" spikes to match my assless chaps cowgirl costume.

Little Girls!!

I am now the proud owner of a super hot Girls Scout Costume. In the process of picking music I found this gem of a video.

the high price of feather fans and E6000

El Paso was awesome, such a great learning experience and I met so many great people. Didn't really make that much money though. I guess I did OK as a feature dancer because I am now booked at Tootsies in Florida for the 9th-14th of June. Which is awesome because it is one of the best clubs in the US, lame because now I have to put together 9 new costumes and music as well as polish up the three numbers I have. I have no idea how I am going to afford it all......I hate this economy. I feel like I hemorage cash and have nothing to show for it. Something has to change and soon. I'm trying to make as many parts of my costumes as I can but rhinestones are expensive and it is so time consuming to hand sew and glue every bit of sparkle myself.

I'm exhausted, stressed and I just want to have the time to go visit my mom and clear up my court shit so I can get my license back.

Hard work pays off, at least I fucking hope it does. Sorry to sound so down, I am but I am trying to stay optimistic. At least I have lots of opportunities to do cool stuff.

The pic is a sketch done of me by James Jean, I feel honored to be portrayed by such a great artist.

I'm Feature Dancing May 15th-17th

From Thursday May 15th through Saturday the17th Pure Talent Agency is holding a Feature Dancing Showcase at The Red Parrot in El Paso, TX featuring Adult Film Star Ryan Keely of ryankeely dot com.


Ryan is performing every night for the showcase beginning tonight. She premieres her dirty burlesque-inspired number at 12:30AM. This event is sure to be an exciting one for both Ryan and everyone in attendance as she's vigorously prepared her three innovative acts for weeks to blow every single one of the hungry club-goers out of their seats! If you're in the El Paso area be sure to RUN not walk to The Red Parrot to see Ryan dazzle and entertain.


The Red Parrot is located at: 14400 Gateway Blvd W El Paso, TX 79928


See http://pure-talent dot com & http://redparrot dot com for additional info.

For dirty pics and sleazy videos please visit http://ryankeely dot com.

I wanna make out/hang our with these chicks!

Don't you hate it when you cant decide? I love this video, hipster chicks gone wild! I can fuck chicks on film, jerk off in semi public places but i am not ready to shake my ass on a crowded subway.....maybe if I had some hot scenester BFFs that wanted to roll with me.....I'm now excepting applications for new stylie-ass girlfriends with lots of moxie.

hotness

I'm wearing 5 inch heels with a hot rocker in my room who is super turned on by the fact that I had sex with 3 hot girls yesterday, and the day before that i fucked Justine on the very couch homie is sitting on.

I love my life.

soon to be stripper cant sleep

I'm preparing for my first big feature show and it has been so much fun and so much work.

I've picked music for my 'make love not war' set and tomorrow I get to start shopping for my costume! I couldn't practice any dancing today because my shoulders and knees needed a break.

I have to go to class in a few hours, but I am totally in insomnia mode and I can't fall asleep. I thought I'd write a little something before I go and lay down, again....I hate it when I can't sleep. If I was being a good writer right now I wouldn't care, but it is a struggle to even type even this short post. I have found my vibe, buried in my office loveseat, and I am going to try to jerk myself to sleep. Wish me luck! I have to be on a pole at 11 am and no sleep could lead to injuries or poor shopping choices.

I love to ride my bicycle! I love to ride my bike!

This settles it, I'm getting a motorcycle. Seriously, I'm selling my car for lighting equipment and software, my license is temp suspended anyway......and as soon as I'm street legal I'm buying a motorcycle.


If anyone wants my '06 fully loaded gunmetal grey, convertible Mini Cooper S email news@ryankeely.com for details. 24Gs and I'll throw in a signed magazine.

Best day ever!

That is all.

I'm NOT ignoring you

I'm getting my site up! As I write this my videos are being uploaded to the server and my webmaster is putting the final touches on the members area. On Monday or Tuesday I will be able to submit it to CCBill and Visa for approval, a process that should take about 3 weeks. And the I have a site!!! And you can see all the awesome content I've been shooting this past year. I really can't believe it is actually finally happening. I've got nerves about it, I've put so much into it, time, money, hard work, I just want it to be a success and I am afraid of success at the same time, if that makes any sense.

I'll be doing web cam shows soon and I just signed with a feature dancing agency, there is so much going on and I just can't believe my site is FINALLY going to launch. This afternoon I have an interview with the Brazilian Magazine Ele Ela and before that I am going to go to AIM to get my test.....

So much to do! But I love it, I'm not happy when I'm not working. When I was in Hong Kong I had my palm read and my life line and work line connect and taper out at the same time. Even destiny understands my need to keep busy :D

Anyway.....I take self portraits on Photobooth, here are some of the latest featuring my my new head style.

Penny Flame and I go shopping

Click here for Penny Flame's Site

Old interview, new movie

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Pussy!

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I'm in lust

Shot a g/g photo set for my soon to launched site on Friday. It was such a tease to have my face in Paola Rey's sweet cunt and not get to properly fuck it. I teased her with my tongue the whole set, gently licked her as lights were fussed with and memory cards swapped out. I guess I did a good job because she agreed to shoot some video with me on the 18th. I'm counting down the days.......She is so fucking hot I actually tongued her ass, I don't ever lick ass. Ever. 

I liked it and I can't wait to do it again.

I love Zero Tolerance!

April 1st was amazing, I got to work with my favorite production team ever and bang the incredibly sexy Devi Emmerson. 

Mike Quasar is my favorite director to work for, not only is he smart, awesome and super sexy he lets me have sex with girls the right way, no toys and lots of making out. I hate when half of the scene is focused on using toys, I never use toys when I bang girls in my personal life. I like making out and using my tongue and fingers best.

So anyway I get picked up by the PM Nate Liquor and we chat it up as we haven't seen each other in forever, turns out we are practically neighbors so I see some sweet BBQ action in my future. I get to set and get my make-up done by the amazing Patty and then Tasha dresses me up in some amazing outfits. Veronica Hart was on set too, and I adore that woman. I invited her to dinner, so hopefully I'll be seeing more of her too. I got to dress in sexy lingerie, a school girl outfit and then it was a swimsuit with a cap and goggles that I peeled off to screw hot little Devi. And there was a totally sweet Trans Am in the driveway! I spent at least 30 min trying to find the owner, but alas no hot beefy dirt bag claimed the car so my fantasy of getting done on the Firebird will have to remain just that, a fantasy. 

Check out the body on Devi, yeah I hit that.....

So I used to review porn....

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Necromancer's Answer

This is a comment on my last blog Chanta's Bitch, below is my response.

necromancer said...

You are a real thug when it comes to getting fucked. On the real though how many orgasms cum with that DOM stuff, how good is it?
Im not knocking it, just never been into being dominated.Sounds like a fun video to watch, cant you post some porn here, blogger allows it?

March 27, 2008 6:06 PM

I don't count orgasms, I just enjoy the experience. I'm a girl, sex is all psychological. The best part about my job is I get to try out all sorts of crazy new things that I probably wouldn't get to try on my own. I find the exploration of my sexuality the most arousing/awesome part of performing. And the sex with hot people and crazy toy is cool too.

I wouldn't post a video here because a) I don't think Blogger would allow it and b) I think it is important to pay for adult content, just like it is important to pay for music and movies. Support the cause. I'm not getting rich off of porn, neither are most of the people I work with. I do it because I love it. It would suck if this amazing community was unable to continue on because of free porn.

A lot of people work in porn because they don't fit anywhere else. I'm one of those people. I have always been sexual and on some level people pick up on. I was always mocked as a "slut" even before I had had my first kiss. This country frowns on sexuality, even the unconscious expression of it. I felt like a freak until I found the adult industry. I'm not saying everything is peachy keen, dealing with judgement and alienation is something that is a daily reality for me. Nobody wants their child/sibling/lover/friend to work in porn, even working off camera was caused rifts in my personal relationships. I deal with that shit because coming out of the closet as a strong, sexual woman empowered me, and the adult industry is the only place I have experienced acceptance, love and understanding. We are all freaks in this biz, and we stick together and support each other. And frankly I don't think the rest of the world would want to deal with us deviant weirdos now that we have shrugged of the soul sucking shackles of sexual shame.

Chanta's Bitch

I spent yesterday afternoon tied up and being violated. It was fucking awesome. The director Chanta put me in the most brutal bondage I have experienced to date. I really like doing rope bondage and I enjoyed the challenging new positions. The bondage was amazing as was the scene, we did spanking, flogging, electro-stim with the Violet Wand and a crazy dildo/plug thing that shot waves of electricity inside my pussy and  of course I was re-tied, bent over and pounded with a strap on. It was a lot of fun. I subbed for Audrey Lee, she was pretty and blond but Chanta had to feed her a lot of the dom talk off camera which made we want to sub for Chanta. The scene was solid and I came a lot so maybe Chanta will want to bring me back and get a piece for herself. 

Ummmm, huh?

Unicorns are Valuable

I am not a writer, I am a model who blogs. I have a story to tell, a story so great I can not do it justice on my own. So may I present Mr. Malachi Ecks, roommate, wordsmith, ninja and the backbone of Grind Incorporated appearing tonight as my ghost writer for a tale I like to call.....


"Unicorns are Valuable"

So there we were out at a bar and we had to test the new girl. Her tenure was still in its infancy and fuck, what were we going to do, jump her in? The roomies sometimes pack blades. Plus the girl has a neck tattoo, she might've been wily, tough, carried her OWN blade, or all of the above. That would leave me to clean up and explain things and I don't really care much for cleaning.

So anyway, we're at the bar and there is this guy sitting behind Navy. Navy turns, glances, and says; "Check out down-on-his-luck Donny over there."

I looked back and saw this almost hollow man. He was made of tin with an echoing chest. Heavy hands holding up his drooped head by its chin, his brown curls were a wacky forest beaten by bullshit, sunshine, booze, and solitude

Malachi said, "Nico, you HAVE to go talk to that guy."

"What? No way." she promptly replied.

Then before he could even ask again the terrible twosome, Malachi and Navy, started in and, Christ, they can get to your core sometimes.

Malachi says, "What? Are you fucking kidding me? Go talk to the fuckin' guy."

Navy jolts in, "Yeah, what's your deal? It's a good look for you."

"I don't want to do it," she responds almost coyly.

She seemed impervious to threats and bullying. It is a rare a person can withstand a badgering from those two. I admired her spunk, but desired some amusement. So I bribed her. Just like in elementary school, when Parent's would bribe their kids with Nintendo games if they received good grades. Except instead of games, my first offer was, "I'll give you ten dollars."

She shook her head with a smile. From the boys came, "Dude, that's ten bucks you don't have right now."

Nothing.

I upped the ante, and offered her something special, my very own trump card, if you please.

"I'll draw you a picture of a unicorn!" I exclaimed with joy and slight jealousy, because I love unicorns and I want a one-of-a-kind drawing of a unicorn.

I had guessed right, Nico brightened at the offer of a unicorn drawing but quickly questioned my follow-through. The twos were more than welcome to back me up with much reassurance that I would indeed follow through on the unicorn. She still wouldn't budge. I calmed myself from the unicorn afterthoughts, looked her dead-on and said, "Ok. Ten dollars, a drawing of a unicorn, and I'll run you a nice hot bath." She gazed for a second, "With bubbles," I added.

"And I'll jerk off on you!" Malachi said with a laugh.

With chuckles Malachi, Navy and I stood engrossed in our cocktails and cleverness. We didn’t notice that Nico had slipped away until we turned to see her sitting next to Donny.

They chatted it up and the boy smiled as the echo in his chest turned to steady thuds of a heart come to life. We watched as he fell in love, bowing that curly mop closer to her and becoming more animated by the minute.

She came back over with a report, "He's in a band. He was excited that I used to play bass and is he VERY interested in my tambourine skills. He’s name’s not Donny, but you were close, it’s Dan."

We paid her the $10 on the spot, I just completed the unicorn drawing, bubble bath has been procured and Malachi is more than willing to J/O on her. Will she have the balls to ask for some balls? I don’t know, but I do know that unicorns a) kick ass and b) make great bribes.

Never back down, never give in, these colours don't run, stand up tall and when all else fails throw in a bubble bath and some original unicorn iconography.

Shepard Fairey Show

Last week Malachi and Navy dragged me out of to the amazing Shepard Fairey gallery show. Unfortantly all the pieces I could afford were sold by the time I got there but I got to hang out, peep the art and do the social thing. 

For those of you who don't know Shepard Fairey was the creator of the Andre the Giant has Posse sticker campaign among other things. His art is bold, graphic and provocative.

to learn more about Fairey go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shepard_Fairey