I am not a writer, I am a model who blogs. I have a story to tell, a story so great I can not do it justice on my own. So may I present Mr. Malachi Ecks, roommate, wordsmith, ninja and the backbone of Grind Incorporated appearing tonight as my ghost writer for a tale I like to call.....
"Unicorns are Valuable"
So there we were out at a bar and we had to test the new girl. Her tenure was still in its infancy and fuck, what were we going to do, jump her in? The roomies sometimes pack blades. Plus the girl has a neck tattoo, she might've been wily, tough, carried her OWN blade, or all of the above. That would leave me to clean up and explain things and I don't really care much for cleaning.
So anyway, we're at the bar and there is this guy sitting behind Navy. Navy turns, glances, and says; "Check out down-on-his-luck Donny over there."
I looked back and saw this almost hollow man. He was made of tin with an echoing chest. Heavy hands holding up his drooped head by its chin, his brown curls were a wacky forest beaten by bullshit, sunshine, booze, and solitude
Malachi said, "Nico, you HAVE to go talk to that guy."
"What? No way." she promptly replied.
Then before he could even ask again the terrible twosome, Malachi and Navy, started in and, Christ, they can get to your core sometimes.
Malachi says, "What? Are you fucking kidding me? Go talk to the fuckin' guy."
Navy jolts in, "Yeah, what's your deal? It's a good look for you."
"I don't want to do it," she responds almost coyly.
She seemed impervious to threats and bullying. It is a rare a person can withstand a badgering from those two. I admired her spunk, but desired some amusement. So I bribed her. Just like in elementary school, when Parent's would bribe their kids with Nintendo games if they received good grades. Except instead of games, my first offer was, "I'll give you ten dollars."
She shook her head with a smile. From the boys came, "Dude, that's ten bucks you don't have right now."
Nothing.
I upped the ante, and offered her something special, my very own trump card, if you please.
"I'll draw you a picture of a unicorn!" I exclaimed with joy and slight jealousy, because I love unicorns and I want a one-of-a-kind drawing of a unicorn.
I had guessed right, Nico brightened at the offer of a unicorn drawing but quickly questioned my follow-through. The twos were more than welcome to back me up with much reassurance that I would indeed follow through on the unicorn. She still wouldn't budge. I calmed myself from the unicorn afterthoughts, looked her dead-on and said, "Ok. Ten dollars, a drawing of a unicorn, and I'll run you a nice hot bath." She gazed for a second, "With bubbles," I added.
"And I'll jerk off on you!" Malachi said with a laugh.
With chuckles Malachi, Navy and I stood engrossed in our cocktails and cleverness. We didn’t notice that Nico had slipped away until we turned to see her sitting next to Donny.
They chatted it up and the boy smiled as the echo in his chest turned to steady thuds of a heart come to life. We watched as he fell in love, bowing that curly mop closer to her and becoming more animated by the minute.
She came back over with a report, "He's in a band. He was excited that I used to play bass and is he VERY interested in my tambourine skills. He’s name’s not Donny, but you were close, it’s Dan."
We paid her the $10 on the spot, I just completed the unicorn drawing, bubble bath has been procured and Malachi is more than willing to J/O on her. Will she have the balls to ask for some balls? I don’t know, but I do know that unicorns a) kick ass and b) make great bribes.
Never back down, never give in, these colours don't run, stand up tall and when all else fails throw in a bubble bath and some original unicorn iconography.
"Unicorns are Valuable"
So there we were out at a bar and we had to test the new girl. Her tenure was still in its infancy and fuck, what were we going to do, jump her in? The roomies sometimes pack blades. Plus the girl has a neck tattoo, she might've been wily, tough, carried her OWN blade, or all of the above. That would leave me to clean up and explain things and I don't really care much for cleaning.
So anyway, we're at the bar and there is this guy sitting behind Navy. Navy turns, glances, and says; "Check out down-on-his-luck Donny over there."
I looked back and saw this almost hollow man. He was made of tin with an echoing chest. Heavy hands holding up his drooped head by its chin, his brown curls were a wacky forest beaten by bullshit, sunshine, booze, and solitude
Malachi said, "Nico, you HAVE to go talk to that guy."
"What? No way." she promptly replied.
Then before he could even ask again the terrible twosome, Malachi and Navy, started in and, Christ, they can get to your core sometimes.
Malachi says, "What? Are you fucking kidding me? Go talk to the fuckin' guy."
Navy jolts in, "Yeah, what's your deal? It's a good look for you."
"I don't want to do it," she responds almost coyly.
She seemed impervious to threats and bullying. It is a rare a person can withstand a badgering from those two. I admired her spunk, but desired some amusement. So I bribed her. Just like in elementary school, when Parent's would bribe their kids with Nintendo games if they received good grades. Except instead of games, my first offer was, "I'll give you ten dollars."
She shook her head with a smile. From the boys came, "Dude, that's ten bucks you don't have right now."
Nothing.
I upped the ante, and offered her something special, my very own trump card, if you please.
"I'll draw you a picture of a unicorn!" I exclaimed with joy and slight jealousy, because I love unicorns and I want a one-of-a-kind drawing of a unicorn.
I had guessed right, Nico brightened at the offer of a unicorn drawing but quickly questioned my follow-through. The twos were more than welcome to back me up with much reassurance that I would indeed follow through on the unicorn. She still wouldn't budge. I calmed myself from the unicorn afterthoughts, looked her dead-on and said, "Ok. Ten dollars, a drawing of a unicorn, and I'll run you a nice hot bath." She gazed for a second, "With bubbles," I added.
"And I'll jerk off on you!" Malachi said with a laugh.
With chuckles Malachi, Navy and I stood engrossed in our cocktails and cleverness. We didn’t notice that Nico had slipped away until we turned to see her sitting next to Donny.
They chatted it up and the boy smiled as the echo in his chest turned to steady thuds of a heart come to life. We watched as he fell in love, bowing that curly mop closer to her and becoming more animated by the minute.
She came back over with a report, "He's in a band. He was excited that I used to play bass and is he VERY interested in my tambourine skills. He’s name’s not Donny, but you were close, it’s Dan."
We paid her the $10 on the spot, I just completed the unicorn drawing, bubble bath has been procured and Malachi is more than willing to J/O on her. Will she have the balls to ask for some balls? I don’t know, but I do know that unicorns a) kick ass and b) make great bribes.
Never back down, never give in, these colours don't run, stand up tall and when all else fails throw in a bubble bath and some original unicorn iconography.
3 comments:
I love you guys :)
Feed the unicorn. Too much rib. :0
the unicorn lives by the mainstream motto, " you wanna make the money, lose the tummy." It turns out there are no treatment programs for borderline anorexic unicorns.
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