I'm getting old

While watching MTV with my BFF I realize that I do not understand half of the slang being used by lil' Mama and the rest of the whippersnappers prancing around in silly outfits. Last night I watched a stripper unironicly pole dance to Spice Girls and whoever does that song that talks about girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch. My sciatica is acting up and I have a newly developed love of Oil of Olay. I'm going to call my mom and tell her she's right about everything and apologize for running away to roller boogie. I need to get high the old fashioned way, red wine and valium.