Awesomeness

While I pack up one secret lair for another, enjoy this video. Also those of you in the Texas, Oklahoma area will be delighted to know I will be touring the Maximus Clubs for the month of August. Details to follow.

Pay attention to me!

Follow me on twitter, user name ryankeely. Help me stare at my phone even more than I already do.

I have a huge cock!

This is what happens when you hire me to shoot Behind the Scenes. The movie is called "This Ain't Gilligan's Island" and should come out eventually. Its from HUSTLER directed by Anton Slayer aka Vincent Voss

Preparations begin.......

Last night I dreamed I had to hack my way through animated rotting flesh. I sense the Apocalypse is closer than we had anticipated. This new awareness coupled with a knowledge that my location has been compromised forced me to take action. Unfortunately the army surplus store only had one machete in stock and no sharpening kits. As the Metal as Fuck Lawyer(working on a better nickname for this bad-ass ally), must be armed as well I shall soon return for more weapons and the tools needed to keep them sharp. 

As for the compromised location, the hunt is on for a new base of operations. Time is short and money is even shorter, but cash supplies matter not when the stores are staffed by the un-dead. 

I'm off to speak with Ellen Stagg, responsible for helping keep my glamor model cover believable and Justine, an ally about potential hideouts and city escape plans.

Kansas

On my way out of town I hit a racoon, heard a song called 'honky tonk badunkadunk' passed a 'kum and go' gas station and realized that I want my life to be like a graphic novel adaptation of a Barry Gifford story. But with more sex and less murder.

I'm at an airport waiting to fly to Dallas for some excessive sexual activity and dinner at Medieval Times. I was dancing at club in Bumfuck, Kansas and the only for me to meet my lover was to start driving as soon as they let me off the stage. I still have my false eyelashes on and wads of uncounted dollar bills.

This post is reposted from 2 text messages

Ryan Reviews....Comics! Kick-Ass issue 3

I likeses it! I'm going to go buy the first two issues tomorrow. There's internet references, fagging out and then a chick in a mask shows up with a katana and murders mother fuckers. Best 2.99 I've spent in a while.

2 days later-

I bought the first 2 in the series, and they rule. Concept-nerd kid makes himself a costume and goes looking for crime to fight, all does not go as planned, severe beating ensues as does awesomeness. Can't wait to learn more about the girl with the katana in issue 4. 

While picking up the first 2 issues at Secret Headquarters I special ordered a very special graphic novel version of Barry Gifford's Perdita Durango I haven't seen since 7th grade. I hope it lives up to my memory

Yay for today!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

For those who have fallen....

tomorrow, remember the heros who have passed.......

"It's a very merry un-birthday"

It doesn't even feel like it's my birthday is tomorrow. I've been hiding inside all day eating like a slug and watching "Mick Foley's Greatest Hits and Misses" ignoring the few people who texted asking where the party is. All my plans for a big 'twenty-whore' celebration are being overshadowed by my impending move to New City X. Thats why I haven't been writing, I've been scoping out a new top secret lair.

I'm sure my mood will improve tomorrow when someone give me a ridiculously silly present, for now I wallow with wrestling.