Vegas Malaise

I'm in Vegas, I have my own hotel room, I'm super horny and totally unmotivated to go find some strange ass. Eventually around 4am the tossing and turning will force me to venture out hours to late and I will invariably end up drinking Stoli/Soda's with some old asian bartender who is listening to me lie about pretty much everything.

I will end up getting so drunk I will either pass out in my make-up or manage to cab it to a sex shop where I will reccomend adult merchandise to an older, giggling couple as I battery test several toys for stregnth while asking the clerk questions about obscure adult movies. I will purchase one powerful vibe, batteries, silicone based lubricant, either an adult mag 3 pack or several books of erotica and sex advice and possibly an obscene amount of whip-is with an array of colored balloons. At this point I will stumble back to the over tipped cab driver who will deposit my grinning, chain-smoking ass back to the bright lights and early morning gambling. After the front desk reminds me which room I am staying in (I didn't forget, but at that hour the front desk people will be the only sober, fairly clean options around) I will struggle with the stupid card key then attempt to masturbate until i give up realizing that I am too depressed to bring my self to orgasm and will suffer buyers remorse as I am cramming books I will never read and yet another gently used vibe into my bags as I try to figure out if I am still drunk or simply lacking a serious hangover.

Some day I feel like this

Necromancer Comment Reply

I don't know about mixing Oxygen and Nirous at the same time, but here are some pics of me trying to huff Nitrous and jerk off at the same time. Note the word trying.

I love LA, Part 1

I love living in Los Angeles, moving here is like falling down a rabbit hole.

This past Friday I was getting my teeth cleaned and complaining about my ever worsening TMJ. My dentist's recommended SHOOTING MY JAW FULL OF BOTOX. The possible side effects of paralyzing my jaw muscles are mind boggling alone, but Wait! There's MORE! Included in the $1,200 price tag were a few injections for my forehead. There wasn't even a price for doing my jaw without my head because no one ever passes up getting some Botox at the dentist. They looked at me like I was the crazy one when I smirked and passed on their fabulous offer. And no sir, I'm not going to go home and give it some more thought.

I'm starting to relate with David Duchovny's Californication character, it really does seem like this town is trying to destroy all it women.

Using

I found the can of Peppermint Oxygen in the mini bar next to the beer so I huffed the shit out of it. Following is documentation of this dramatic event. My oxygen addiction is spiraling out of control

Watch this, I dare you.

Comments? Thoughts?

This will be stuck in your head for a month MUAHAHAHAH!!!!! Good thing it's fucking AWESOME

I want to fuck.

I really, really want to fuck. I am short of breath and giving my roommates the once over. Fortunately I don't think either of them are all that interested. Some mother fucker got me all hot and bothered I am ready to go (again). 

The Romance

Four AM Friday night found me purchasing strawberries and whipped cream at the corner store. While I stockpiled supplies to spend an exciting night emailing, watching  infomercials and text flirting a handsome man dashed in to purchased as single rose. For a moment I was jealous (I was buying whipped cream to eat fully clothed by myself) and then I realized the way to my heart doesn't involve red roses.  With a commercial bullshit holiday approaching I take comfort in the fact that the sex I do have involves group sex, hot girl on girl action and multiple orgasms with people who are romantic it much more original ways. However a less busy booty call who arrives with take-out, anime and a hot friend would rock my world. (I miss you Justine!)